Don’t feel bad, Jacksonville Jaguars! Your players may comprise the second worst team in the NFL, but your cheerleaders have fared considerably better, according to Bleacher Report’s NFL cheerleader power rankings.
Out of 32 teams, the ROAR of the Jaguars come in at #20. That’s the good news. The bad news: Six of the teams in the league don’t even have cheerleaders (a factoid that would make an excellent trivia question, by the way).
At least the members of the ROAR, can take solace in the fact that they are hotter than the cheerleaders from six teams that do have squads: the Atlanta Falcons, Seattle Seahawks, Buffalo Bills, Carolina Panthers, Minnesota Vikings and Tennessee Titans.
Personally, I have no business judging cheerleaders, as my only experience with the “sport” is watching Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team on CMT and a devastatingly embarrassing experience trying out for the junior variety squad in high school (not that I’m bitter; actually, I didn’t become bitter until I didn’t make the majorette team either).
In fact, I think most of the ROAR girls are very attractive and can certainly dance better than I can (which is saying a lot since I am Jacksonville’s reigning Dancing With the Stars champ). I do have a few suggestions as to how they may improve their standing in the power rankings, however.
1. Stop trying so hard to be liked. Of the 35 ladies on the roster, only five sign their names without a heart.
2. Spend a little more time furthering your education or career and a little less time in the tanning booth. Everyone knows how sexy an intelligent woman is (at least that’s what my above-average intelligence tells my flabby white belly.)
3. Cheer for a better team.