My juice looks like it's on vacation!

Featured drink of the day: Grassroots’ Red Sunshine with carrots (seriously, carrots, this is just getting ridiculous now), apples, orange juice and beets

Ain’t gonna lie. Last night was rough. But I am pleased to report that I am back on track today.

Matter of fact, I even woke up early! I know crawling out of bed at 11:30 a.m. doesn’t sound very early to anyone with the exception of anyone who works the graveyard shift, hibernating bears, Rumpelstiltskin or my brother, but considering I usually sleep until 3 or 4 p.m. on Sundays (sad, but true), it’s a marked improvement.

Getting up “early” and walking to Grassroots also came with two added benefits: 1) I got some scoop on an Invasion of Privacy sighting of an award-winning actor/producer/director; and 2) I ran into an acquaintance who said I was—and I quote—”withering away.” Now, obviously, anyone who truly is “withering away” wouldn’t have back fat spilling over her sweatpants, but I will take a grossly exaggerated compliment about my weight any day of the week (especially on the Lord’s day, when no one should be lying).

Juice fast lesson of the day

Don’t judge a fruit juice by what’s in it. I hate beets—despise, abhor, loathe, detest and execrate them (yes, I did get “execrate” from the thesaurus, as I didn’t feel four synonyms for “hate” would get my point across enough). So every time I’d check out a juice menu, I’d automatically rule out anything containing beets. But after talking to the lovely Laura at Grassroots who convinced me I wouldn’t even taste the beets, I trusted her (despite her telling me that the Daily Detox tastes “mostly like apples” comment from the other day … wrong), and ordered the Red Sunshine anyway. And damn it, if she wasn’t right: I didn’t taste the beets at all.

Nor did I taste them in my second beet juice of the day, the Carrot Cleanse with oranges, apples, beets, celery, kale and, of course, carrots.

No urinary tract infections for me today!

Featured drink of the day: Grassroots Cranberry Cleanser with lemon, cranberry juice, concentrate, carrots (I told you!), apples and parsley

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I finally discovered my favorite Grassroots juice—the aforementioned Cranberry Cleanser—but within hours of drinking it, I was starving. So I drank about a gallon of water, went back for a Grassroots Red Sunshine with orange juice, apples and carrots (seriously, how much are these carrot reps making?!?) and found myself hungry all over again.

At this point, Michael, who is out of town, was wisely not returning my calls, which is probably just as well because I would have freaked him out if I had told him that I actually considered licking my finger after opening a can of Fancy Feast for my cats (don’t judge me: it was turkey feast in gravy) and came very close to eating a Cheerio I found on the floor in the living room (did I mention I keep a tidy house?).

So after a few more hours, I headed off to Pulp in San Marco (sorry, Grassroots, but you were already closed) to try a Green Energy drink with apple, cucumber, lemon, celery, parsley, spinach, kale and ginger. And while its scent of feet and taste of lawn clippings didn’t do much to whet my appetite (no offense to the juice makers, I mean, look what they have to work with!), it did, at least, stave off my hunger until around 10 p.m. at which point, I gave up and went to sleep.

Not my best day on the fast so far, but I’ve already lasted much longer than I thought I would, so tomorrow can only get better, right?

Excuse the rumpled sheet—and obvious phallic symbol.

Juice Fast Lesson of the Day

Part of the fast, for those of you who haven’t yet read it (seriously, what in the jicama are you waiting for?!?!) is you have to squeeze the juice from a whole lemon into 10 ounces of room temperature water and drink it first thing in the morning. Here’s a little advice from me to you: Might want to put a Band-Aid over your paper cut before doing any squeezing.

I apologize for the tardiness in reporting this sighting; however, I just found out about it from a guy sitting at the bar at European Street in Riverside, which went a little something like this…

“Hey, are you still doing those celebrity sightings on your blog? I heard some guy who was here for a concert a couple of weeks ago was at Harpoon Louie’s. I can’t remember his name, though. I saw his giant tour bus in the parking lot, but that’s about all I know. Oh, and he’s black.”

As calendar editor for Jacksonville Magazine, I was able to do some mental computations and figure out he was talking about season 2 American Idol winner Ruben Studdard, who performed at the Ritz Theatre. I checked with my source (who may or may not be in this photo), and she confirmed that the Velvet Teddy Bear and his posse did, indeed, stop by the Avondale restaurant for some post-show snacks to go. She says she has no idea how he found the place since it’s not exactly on the highway, but that he ordered about $100 of food—and tipped a measly 10 bucks.

I mean, I know his career isn’t going all that great (hence, performing in a 426-seat theater in Jacksonville), but geez, I’m a starving writer and I always tip more than 20 percent.

That said, Mr. Studdard, who used to be my favorite American Idol contestant of all time (great news for you, Elliott Yamin!), you will now be known as the Velour Teddy Bear.

NOTE: My apologizes to the girl on the left of the photo. I tried to fix your devil eyes and gave you creepy doll eyes instead.

Don't laugh: my big boy needs needs to fast as much as I do.

Featured juice of the day: Grassroots’ Sweet Ginger with apples, carrots (see?!?) oranges and extra ginger

Still not hungry. Still not ready to pass out. How can this be? Is trainer-to-the-stars Michael Walker some kind of evil genius?

I mean, not only has he only convinced one of the world’s most dedicated (and dare I say, successful) psychological eaters to stop shoveling Multi-Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter and string cheese into her face just because they’re there, but he’s even managed to get my 14-pound feline son Puddy Frederick Renaire Speckman on the program too.

Poor toe but props to Unique Nail Salon in San Marco for the longest-lasting pedicure EVER!

To be honest, I felt pretty darned good today but decided against running again because I don’t want my toenail to fall off.

In other CTSM Juice Fast news, I got on the scale today and was blown away at what I’ve lost so far. I don’t want to spoil the surprise by giving away the number before the big reveal. Plus, something tells me that Ambien Annie is planning a 3 a.m. sabotage mission before these 10 days are over.

Juice Fast Lesson(s) of the Day

1. Ginger is much spicier than I thought it was. 2. And don’t let your animals play around with your juices. Puddy (rhymes with “Muddy” not “Goodie,” thank you very much) wound up knocking my drink over and spilling some of its valuable nutrients all over the floor (which looks just like the Electro Replacement, by the way). At $6.41 per drink, I’d say that fat fur ball owes me at least a 75 cents.

Should I be alarmed the juice matches my floor?

Featured juice of the day: Grassroots’ Electrolyte Replacer with parsley, celery, apples, lemons and carrots

It’s day two of the CTSM 10-day Juice Fast, and I’m shocked by two things: 1) I’m not starving to death; and 2) I am not weak and/or feeling faint because I haven’t eaten in 24 hours.

Not only do I not feel weak, in fact, I managed to run 5.5 miles on the treadmill today, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before in my life. (Could it be this juice drinking really works?!?)

On a side note: I’m also amazed at how carrots manage to weasel their way into almost every juice Grassroots makes. So kudos to you, Mr. Carrot Salesman!

I hope day three proves to be just as, ahem, fruitful.

Juice Fast Lesson of the Day

Smoothies are not part of a juice fast, which is unfortunate because Grassroots’ Banana Berry smoothie (with strawberries, bananas, almond milk and agave nectar) is de-freaking-licious.

Yes, I should've dusted the TV before taking a photo

So today’s the big day: day one of the CSTM 10-day Juice Fast. To be honest, I’m a little scared. OK, maybe scared isn’t the right word. Leery is probably closer to the truth … not about the fast itself since I know trainer-to-the-stars Michael Walker wouldn’t promote it if it weren’t beneficial and, more important, safe, but leery about my ability to drink nothing but water and fruit and/or veggie juice for 10 days.

I mean, how am I supposed to go 240 hours without eating at least one slice from Al’s Pizza or Carmine’s Pie House? Or a grilled/smoked chicken salad from European Street Cafe or MOJO no. 4? Or kettle corn, Tater Tots, Reese’s Minis (sorry, Michael), ham and cheese sandwiches or any of the other food items I eat obsessively every week? Heck, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to survive not drinking Publix diet sweet tea and PRS drinks (aka Tim Tebow Juice) for that long!

In the good news department, Grassroots Natural Market is within walking distance of my house, so “the juice bar is too far away” is not a viable excuse (FYI, the closest I’ve ever been to walking inside Grassroots is going through the drive-through at Wendy’s across the street). Equally good news, the folks at Grassroots are super friendly and helpful and don’t judge you that you don’t know what kale is or how to pronounce açai.

After perusing the menu, I decided to skip the unappetizingly named Digestive Cleanser and Daily Detox and went straight for the juice with the least offensive ingredients to me.

Featured drink of the day: Grassroots’ Citrus Cleanser with orange juice, lemons, limes, apples and pears. It was pretty tasty for the most part, but it would have behooved me to take a second look at those ingredients…

Juice fast lesson of the day

Make sure you read all of the ingredients carefully. Had I done so, I would have remembered my hate affair with lime juice due to a night when I drank nine kamikaze shots, then was forced to sleep on a water bed with two other people. (It’s not nearly as Rick James as it sounds, people. Trust me.)

One day down, nine to go!

For those of you who don’t know me personally (or Facebookly), I’ve been on a weight-loss crusade since last May. By changing my eating thanks to Weight Watchers and sweating my ample arse off courtesy of Cross Training San Marco (CTSM), I’ve managed to rid myself of 56 pounds (also known as a first grader). Lately, however, I seem to have a hit a plateau and cannot, no matter what, break a certain significant weight (without getting into specific numbers, let’s just say I weigh the same or more than 19 players on the Jaguars’ current roster).

So what does this have to do with Stargazing in Jacksonville, you ask? Well, I consulted my friend and personal trainer Michael Walker of CTSM—or as I like to call him “trainer to the stars” since he has worked with professional athletes, celebrity chefs, models and TV newscasters, not to mention a future Grammy-winning artist—and he suggested I try a 10-day juice fast. Plus, I wouldn’t mind looking like any of these stars, known to be JFs (juice fasters and, yes, I just made that acronym up), though, I do still hate Salma Hayek for dating my boyfriend Edward Norton.

After hearing Michael’s convincing speech about ridding my body of toxins, restoring my immune system’s functionality, boosting my vitality and energy, and (re)jumpstarting my weight loss, I was convinced and ready to drink my way to health and fitness.

The second I started reading Cross Training San Marco’s 2012 Juice Fast Plan, however, I was immediately disgusted by the amount of fruits and vegetables actually involved in the making of juice: pineapples (which I despise), pears, kiwis, oranges, spinach, kale, celery, cucumbers, carrots and my most hated food of all-time, beets. To be honest, I only like two fruits—apples and grapes—and only one of them was on the list. And of the handful of veggies I can stand, I certainly don’t want to drink any of them.

So how in the fig am I, a junk food/fast food connoisseur supposed to wake up to a glass of tepid water tainted with the juice of an entire lemon, then later that morning drink a fruit fusion juice, toss back another as a snack, imbibe a fruit/veggie blend for lunch and guzzle down two green veggie drinks before going to bed?

Great question. I’ll let you know tomorrow.

Fortunately, when the yacht in question is, in fact, a 223-foot-long “superyacht” that just so happens to be possessed by a billionaire who also owns an NFL franchise, it’s not that hard to find the dirt. Among the deets I uncovered on the Kismet:

• built in 2006 by Lürssen Kroger Werft
• welded steel hull with aluminum superstructure and teak laid decks
• top speed is 16 knots (that’s a little over 18 mph for you landlubbers)
• fuel capacity of 53,500 gallons
• 16 cabins that can accommodate 12 guests and 22 crew members
• features a jacuzzi, barbecue, sauna, gym, satellite TV, wi-fi, fully-equipped galley and laundry facilities

And best of all, it’s for sale for a mere $112,472,744.44, which also include a 25-foot Chris-Craft launch, two Yamaha wave runners and two kayaks.

In case you never receive a “Welcome Aboard” party invite either, here’s what you’re missing.

Photo credits: YachtKismet.com

Local American Idol fans were probably disappointed that they didn’t get to see Steffanie Renae (aka Stephanie Renae, aka Stephanie Renee), the 15-year-old singer from Middleburg, or Christopher Medina, the 21-year-old Jacksonvillian who I will forever refer to as “the guy who refused to let me interview him for Jacksonville Magazine three years ago,” perform during the first two installments of Hollywood week.

However, those of you with a keen eye and a DVR, such as myself, may have noticed a quick shot of Medina during fellow contestant Heejun Han‘s inferiority complex speech…

“I feel nervous because everyone so tall, so pretty. Even the guys are so pretty. I don’t know what they eat, but they’re so good looking, and I just have to figure out how to overcome their beauty.”

Judging from the amount of face time Han got on last night’s show, he’s got nothing to worry about. Medina and Renae, on the other hand, we’re not so sure since we never got to see if they’re even in the competition anymore, though Face of Fox 30 Sharon Wilbur reported that Renae, at least, made it to the group round.

While I wish our local kids the best of luck, I can’t say I’ll be crushed if they don’t make it to the top 24 and I can go back to ignoring this show again.